Five tips to move on after making a mistake
Realised you’ve made a mistake and thinking “what now?” Here’s how to deal with it and move forward feeling happy, calm and confident.
Everyone makes mistakes. But that doesn’t make the sick feeling when you realise you’ve made one any easier to deal with. When we make a decision to do (or not do) something, it’s usually to either move us away from something unpleasant, or to move us towards something we want. So when we take an action hoping it’ll lead to one (or both) of these outcomes and it doesn’t deliver, it’s common to feel shame, regret, anger (at ourselves, someone else or both) and disappointment.
Being able to cope with making mistakes and move on without feeling regret or shame is an important skill as it helps take the pressure off future decisions. While we don’t want to keep making the same mistakes over and over, letting go of the need to make perfect decisions 100% of the time can help you take more calculated risks, embrace new opportunities and reap the benefits of leaving your comfort zone.
So, how do we stop feeling bad about a mistake we’ve made, process it and move on? Below are five steps to help you move forward.
Step 1: Can it be undone?
Once you realise you’ve made a mistake, it’s human nature (and usually a good idea) to see if it can be reversed. This might mean revisiting terms and conditions, asking for a refund or seeing if something can be moved or changed. In some cases, you may be able to get a full or partial refund, gesture of goodwill or something else which helps soften the blow.
However, there are also times when this won’t be possible. After finding out what can be done to reverse, or lessen the impact, of the mistake, it’s time to move on. And the first step to doing this?
Step 2: Stop punishing yourself
After making a poor decision it’s easy to shift into self-blame, even if whatever has happened wasn’t entirely your fault.
While it’s impossible to know for certain how any decision will turn out, one thing is for sure. Depriving yourself to try and “save back” any time or money wasted won’t make you feel better - it’ll only drag out the feeling of regret and make you feel even worse. The decision is done. It can’t be changed. But it most likely wasn’t catastrophic, everything is OK, and realistically it won’t impact you negatively going forward (unless you let it).
Step 3: What made you decide to take that course of action?
I like to think most people have good intentions, and this extends to making decisions. We never set out thinking something will be a mistake and there are always good reasons behind why we’ve chosen to do, or not do, something.
The next step to move on from a bad decision is to reflect on the reasons why you thought it would be a good idea. Spoiler alert, there’s likely to be some overlap between these and your core values. For example, if you value freedom, you may have taken action on the basis it would either help you achieve more freedom, or move you away from a situation where you don’t have enough freedom (my 30-minute career check in contains a short exercise to help you discover your own core values).
Reflecting on these reasons may help you release whatever you did wasn’t actually a mistake after all. Even if the experience wasn’t what you expected, it may have still been a pretty solid course of action based on what you knew at the time.
Step 4: What did you learn from it?
If you made a decision to do something and the outcome and/or overall experience wasn’t what you expected, it’s likely you still gained something.
Even if something doesn’t deliver what we thought it should do, there can still be nuggets of value within it. For example, if something only delivers about 50% of what you thought it would, that 50% could still have been very useful. The key is to shift your thinking from “why was this disappointing” to “what DID I gain from this experience?
There’s also lots that can be learned from the decision making process itself. For example, making future decisions based on actual priorities and capacity, and not idealised versions of these or what you feel they “should” be.
You may also have learned important lessons which will benefit you in the future (more on this below…).
Step 5: How might making this mistake serve you in the future?
Not only could the mistake you made have provided some form of value in the here and now, but it may provide longer term benefits too. For example, a negative or disappointing experience may help you gain more clarity around your:
Values
Non-negotiables (this has been a big one for me recently!)
Preferences when it comes to the type of people you feel aligned to and want to work with
Longer-term or future goals
Expectations (I pride myself on offering my clients high levels of service, showing up consistently and being organised no matter how many plates I’m spinning - and I expect the same from others)
The other way a bad decision can serve us longer term is if it makes us realise something we were hoping to do isn’t really possible. Which is a painful lesson but one that will save time and money going forward nonetheless.
One final note…
Above all else, ask yourself if you’ll care about this in five years’ time. I’m guessing the answer is probably not. Unless the mistake was something truly life changing and irreversible, in which case you probably had very good reasons for doing what you did and I hope the positives eventually outweigh the negatives you’re currently experiencing.
I know for me, the one thing I would regret long term is not trying my best to do one of the types of work I truly love and care about, and remembering this makes any small, inconsequential mistakes I make along the way much easier to deal with.
About me
Hi I’m Claire and if you’re feeling stuck, bored, or unfulfilled at work I can help you figure out what comes next and start taking practical steps to make it happen. Want to find out more? Head over to my website.