Frozen by indecision? Here’s how to get unstuck and move forward
Struggling to make a big, or not so big, decision? Here are some tips to help you stop overthinking and start taking action.
Everyday we make a series of decisions. Some are easy, like what we want to eat for lunch, but some are much harder. Generally the more time and money something will require, the harder it is to decide on. If making a decision is irreversible, then that makes it harder still.
The internet is full of people asking questions. “Should I quit my job to travel?” “Should I leave my partner?” “Should I change my career?” These are all big questions, but unfortunately not ones that strangers on the internet can help you with. What’s the right decision for one person won’t be for someone else. Ultimately, there’s only one person who can make big decisions about your life. You.
Below are five questions to help you get unstuck when making a big decision and move forward knowing you’re doing the right thing.
How does this tie into my long-term goals?
When deciding what to do, it’s easy to get caught up in the short-term consequences and forget about the longer term ones. Starting a side business means less free time while you get it up and running, paying for coaching might mean skipping a holiday this year, changing jobs might mean having to work a bit harder while you get up to speed.
However, when we step back and think about how a decision links into where we want to be in two, five or even ten years time, things can feel much clearer. Over the long term the business may allow us to reduce our hours or give up working entirely, coaching may save us months or years of time trying to figure things out for ourselves and changing jobs may provide us with more opportunities and even a promotion or two.
You can also consider the longer term consequences of your decision by asking:
Will this get you to where you want to be?
What are the alternatives?
Is the risk worth the potential rewards?
How does this align with my values?
We all have a set of core values. When we live in alignment with these we generally feel happy, fulfilled and energised. When one or more of these values aren’t present in our lives we can feel the opposite. If you’d like to discover more, my 30-minute career check in contains a short exercise to give you an initial idea of what your values might be.
Thinking about how a decision aligns (or doesn’t align) with our values can help us see things more clearly. Someone who values freedom and adventure, but doesn’t care about stability or security may decide quitting their job to travel is the right decision for them. However, someone who values security and achievement (for example, climbing the career ladder), may be better off keeping travel as something they do during their annual leave.
How does it feel when I take a small step towards a decision?
This is one of my favourite decision making tools. If you think something aligns with your long-term goals and values, but still feel some hesitancy or reluctance, this is a great next step.
Think of a low risk, low commitment way to start moving towards the decision you think you’d like to make. This could be booking a discovery call with a coach, requesting a brochure for a qualification, making a refundable hotel booking in the place you think you’d like to solo travel to (check for hidden cancellation fees first!) or signing up for something with a fully refundable cooling off period (again, check for hidden fees first).
Once you’ve done this, pay attention to how it feels. Do you feel excited, energised, and a sense of relief to have finally made the choice that feels right for you? Do you feel good about taking the next step towards committing to something? Or do you feel sick, scared, regretful or overwhelmed? This can then guide what you do next.
This experiment clarifies whether your reluctance to take the next step is due to underlying doubt about what you want to do, or simply because you’re leaving your comfort zone and that usually feels scary. Our bodies want to keep us safe at all costs, so anything outside of the ordinary can feel uncomfortable at first. However, once we push through and overcome the fear we can see things more clearly.
What are the potential risks vs rewards?
Sometimes in the fog of decision making we can end up going round in circles and repeating various thought patterns. When this happens it can feel easier to strip everything back and simply focus on:
What risks would you be taking by making the decision to do [insert thing here]?
What are the potential rewards?
What is the best and worst case for each scenario?
Sometimes we get so caught up in the cost of doing something (whether money, time or something else) we lose sight of the potential rewards. While nothing is guaranteed, if the cost is something that wouldn’t be devastating to lose (although it may be slightly disappointing) but the rewards have the potential to be long-lasting and life changing, this can help make the decision objective rather than emotional.
Can I speak to someone neutral about this?
If the decision has the potential to be costly, take up lots of time or be irreversible, it can be worth paying for professional support to help you work through everything. A professional, such as a coach or therapist, will listen closely to what you’re saying and may identify links or connections you haven’t. A good professional won’t insert their own thoughts or beliefs or tell you what to do, instead they’ll listen, reflect and observe, helping you see things you might have missed and find your own answers.
This is very different to talking things through with family and friends. They’ll likely base any advice on what they would do, even though their goals and priorities may be very different to yours. For example, they may prioritise saving money over experiences, or having more time off over working towards something exciting. Despite having the best intentions they may also may be distracted while you’re talking or be keen to move the conversation onto something else.
Final note
I hope you found these questions useful and save them for next time you need to make an important decision. If you’re struggling with a career related dilemma, check out my 30-minute career check in. This is a short set of prompts to help you think about what you’re good at, what matters to you and where you might want to go next.
About me
Hi I’m Claire and I help childfree women who feel stuck, bored, or unfulfilled at work figure out what comes next and start building a career that fits who they are. Want to find out more? Head over to my website.